


Deep Spuss Nine

by Calicia (Merinnan)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Everyone is a cat, F/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mildly Dubious Consent, i guess catnip technically counts as a drug, originally posted to alt.startrek.creative, this fic is old enough that it should be paying rent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29840700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merinnan/pseuds/Calicia
Summary: In a universe where everyone is a cat (except the ones who are parrots), it's terrible timing for Major Kitty that Gul Ducat's visit to the station coincides with her being in heat.
Relationships: Dukat/Kira Nerys





	Deep Spuss Nine

Ops was full of the regular noises -- little beeps from the computer, the occasional 'click' of claws as crew-members moved around, the small purrs of conversation.

The Siamese first officer, Kitty Nerys, sat on Jadzia Cat's console, watching her tortoiseshell friend yawning, her pink tongue curling delicately. Kitty looked amused.

"Late night, hmm?"

Cat nodded. "The 'Defiant' got in last night," she said, all the explanation that was needed. Suddenly another Siamese called out, attracting Kitty's attention: "Major, Gul Ducat's ship is hailing us!"

Kitty leapt off Cat's console, and ran down to her own. Captain Siscat's office door slid open and the big black cat prowled out.

"On screen," he ordered.

The picture on the viewscreen changed from the standard view of the area of space where the wormhole was located to that of a battle-scarred, grey tiger-striped tabby, his eyes lazily half-closed.

"Ducat!" Kitty hissed.

"Major Kitty," Ducat purred. "How lovely to see you again. And Captain Siscat. I trust I _am_ still allowed to dock here?!" His eyes opened wide in mock shock.

"Of course," Siscat replied, ignoring Kitty's tail angrily lashing from side to side.

***

Furak prowled around his shop, toying with the various collars, trying to ignore Meowl batting at his tail, but the more he ignored her the harder she struck. She took a hard swipe at it, and he quickly flicked it out of her way.

"Oh, come on, Furak," she complained. "Why can't I play with your tail? It's so much fun!"

Furak smiled at the gangly adolescent, not a kitten anymore, but not quite a cat -- however much she thought she was.

"Meowl, my dear," he began. Meowl stopped mid-swipe, and sat sedately to listen.

"This isn't really appropriate," he continued. "After all, I was an adult cat when your mother was a kitten."

"So was my father," Meowl pointed out. "You're no older than he is."

Furak purred amusedly, and was about to reply when he noticed Kitty sitting in the doorway, her cream tail wrapped tightly around her feet, with the chocolate-brown tip flicking impatiently.

"Major Kitty!" Furak said.

"Furak," Kitty replied coolly. "Meowl, you're father is here. He's docking now."

"He is?!" Meowl exclaimed. She rushed out of the store. Kitty looked balefully at Furak before following.

***

Ducat sauntered onto the Promenade, his tail waving in a lazy arc above him. A flash of brown tabby fur shot across the Promenade, stopping in front of him.

"Father," Meowl purred, rubbing her face against him.

"Meowl!" Ducat purred back. He and Meowl started to walk slowly to Squawk's Bar, when he saw Kitty staring across the Promenade at him.

"Major!" Ducat called. "Would you care to join us?"

"In your dreams, Ducat." Kitty shot back. She rose to her feet and arched her back, before sauntering past him and Meowl on her way to the turbolift. As the turbolift disappeared from sight, Ducat turned to look at it with a strange expression on his face.

"Father? Is something wrong?" Meowl asked. Ducat looked down at her, staring up earnestly at him with the bright blue eyes inherited from her Siamese mother.

"No," he replied thoughtfully. "Nothing's wrong."

***

Kitty thought she was going to explode, keeping a lid on her voice like that, while she sauntered past that...that...#Big strong tom# a little voice whispered. She squashed that thought the instant it appeared. That TABBY, she thought grimly. As soon as she thought he couldn't hear her, she caterwauled plaintively.

The turbolift stopped at Ops. She hadn't realised it was coming here, she'd just had to get away from Ducat before he heard her caterwaul. He would've taken that as an open invitation! _But that's what you want, isn't it?_

"Major," Siscat said. "Is something wrong?"

Everything, she wanted to say. Why had Ducat chosen _now_ to visit the station? Instead, she said: "Nothing wrong, Captain. Just took a wrong turn."

She stepped back into the turbolift, back to the Promenade - and the Infirmary. Maybe Doctor Bafur could give her something.

***

Ducat sat, uncharacteristically quiet, on the upper level of Squawk's while Meowl ordered their food from the brightly plumed parrot. He was thinking about what he was _sure_ he'd heard on the Promenade. As Major Kitty's turbolift disappeared, he could have sworn he'd heard her caterwaul. So, the lovely Major was in heat, was she? Hmmm...

"Father?" Meowl broke into his reverie. "Would you like water or milk?"

"Milk, of course," he replied. "It's so much...smoother than water, don't you agree?" Also creamier, he thought to himself. Rather like the appearance of a certain lady of his acquaintance. He smiled to himself, and turned half of his attention back to Meowl. With the other half, he wondered how he could best turn his observation about Kitty to his advantage.

By the time his dinner with Meowl had finished, he had decided what to do.

After his daughter had left, Ducat approached Squawk.

"Catnip?" the parrot asked. "What do you want catnip for? Or should I say, who do you want it for?" He fixed his beady eyes on Ducat suggestively.

"That's none of your business, Squawk." Ducat replied edgily. He knew that Squawk probably already had a very good idea who it was for, but he preferred to try and keep his affairs private. "Can you get it or not?"

"Of _course_ I can get it." Squawk replied in an injured tone. "When do you want it?"

"Tonight." Ducat replied, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Squawk called. "What about the price?"

"I'm _sure_ you'll keep it reasonable......won't you?" Ducat's eyes glittered as he looked back at the parrot, who swallowed nervously as the big tabby eyed him hungrily.

"Sure, sure." he squawked, flapping his wings in agitation.

"I knew I could count on you." Ducat purred.

***

Doctor Julian Bafur had listened attentively to Kitty's problem. When she finished, he barely paused before giving his reply.

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, Major. You're just going to have to find a partner and fix it yourself."

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" Kitty asked despairingly. "I can't go and find a partner _now_ \-- not with Ducat on the station, just waiting for a chance to humiliate me. There isn't even an experimental treatment that you could use?"

"No. You can try to ignore this, and in a few days it will go away. You'll have a few days, a week if you're lucky, of normal life, and then you'll go back into heat. I'm sorry Major, but you have to find a partner. If you do it now, you can pick who you want - if you wait, you may find yourself with the first tom to encounter you when you finally lose control."

Kitty's tail hung off the diagnostic bed dejectedly. "I see. Thank-you, Doctor." She jumped off the bed and softly padded out the door.

As ill-luck would have it, the first person she met after leaving the Infirmary was Ducat.

"Ah Major, how are you?" he enquired, purring at some private - and probably obscene - joke. The regard of the glittering green eyes made her feel uncomfortable.

"Fine, thank-you, Ducat," Kitty replied, barely civil.

"Are you certain? You seemed rather...distressed as you left the Infirmary." The amusement in his voice deepened. "Visiting the good doctor wouldn't have had anything to do with your haste in leaving the Promenade earlier, hmmm?"

"That has absolutely nothing to do with you!" Kitty snapped. _Dammit, **please** don't have heard me!_ she silently begged.

"Really?" Ducat asked conversationally. "You know, when your turbolift was leaving, I could have _sworn_ I heard..."

Kitty hissed angrily and swiped at him, claws extended. Ducat jumped nimbly back, and his purring grew louder.

"Why Major, I seem to have touched on a sore spot!"

"Stay away from me, Ducat!" Kitty warned. "Because next time, I swear I won't stop at just _trying_ to hit you!"

Ducat meowed in amusement. "We'll see, Major. We'll see."

***

Kitty walked along the empty corridors of the Habitat Ring toward her quarters, turning her problem over and over in her mind. The services at the temple had relaxed her, but once she had left the temple, its calming influence had rapidly dissipated.

What was she going to do? She was too busy to just go out and 'find a partner', as Bafur had so blithely suggested. Especially with _that tabby_ on the station. Her thoughts turned back to that encounter outside the Infirmary. After Ducat had brushed aside her - admittedly empty -- threat, he had sauntered off to the docking ring, obviously pleased with himself, leaving her to wonder just what he was up to now.

Well, at least it seemed he intended to spend the night on his ship. And if he left tomorrow as planned, she might be able to avoid him completely until after her problem was sorted out.

She paused outside her quarters. Was that...? For a second, she had thought she'd smelled...No, it couldn't have been. The door slid open, and she stepped inside.

About to call for the lights, she blinked in surprise. The lights were already on, though on a low setting. _Who has come into my quarters without my permission?_ she asked herself crossly. The scent of catnip wafted in the air, and Kitty began to purr unconsciously.

"Hello, Major," a familiar voice purred. Kitty turned angrily to the centre of the room, intent on ripping out the fur of the speaker, of clawing out his eyes, biting him, scratching him, _anything_ to make him leave! Now! As she took a step forward, claws extended, Ducat slowly uncurled himself and rose from the couch, sinewy muscles rippling under suddenly silky-looking tabby fur. Despite herself, she began to purr louder and her claws retracted.

He sauntered up to her, each step the most graceful movement she had ever seen. How could I ever have wanted to avoid him? she wondered, making no effort to hide her appreciation of what she saw.

"Now Major, what exactly did you intend to do the next time I came near you?" he purred softly in her ear. Breathing in the thick scent of catnip, Kitty let go of her final inhibitions. With a loud caterwaul, she rubbed herself against him.

***

"Where is he?" Dapurr demanded, barging into Siscat's office.

"Where is whom?" Siscat replied calmly.

"Gul Ducat! He left the ship last night and he hasn't returned!" Dapurr stalked around the office, his tail lashing agitatedly. "He's not in Squawk's, and Meowl hasn't seen him since yesterday -- before he returned to the ship and then left again!"

"Did he say where he was going?"

Dapurr stopped stalking around and stepped up to Siscat's desk. "If he had," Dapurr ground out, "I would not be asking you where he was."

Siscat sighed. "I don't know where he is." he told Dapurr. "Computer! Location of Gul Ducat!"

"Gul Ducat is in Major Kitty's quarters."

"What is he doing *there*!?" Dapurr demanded.

"I'd like to know the same thing," Siscat replied.

***

Jadzia Cat walked along the corridors to Kitty's quarters. Neither Kitty nor Ducat had answered their comm-badges. Ducat in Kitty's quarters? Overnight? Not for the first time, she wondered how *that* had happened.

Cat stopped outside Kitty's quarters and sniffed the air. Catnip? Oh......

No-one let her in, so she opened the door herself. The lights were on very low, and the smell of catnip was overpowering. She shook her head briskly, trying to keep her wits about her and suppress the purr she felt building up in her throat.

Cat made her way toward Kitty's bedroom, skirting the empty dish in the puddle of milk and the overturned chair. She paused in the doorway of the bedroom, looking in. Blankets and pillows were scattered all over the place, and the room smelled of a pair of cats who had obviously had a _very_ good time.

In the middle of the bed was a bundle of fur. Cream and brown, grey tabby - it was hard to see where one stopped and the other began, twined around each other as they were. A skip in the steady breathing, a tail twitched...as they began to stir, Cat softly left the room, making her way back toward the corridor, leaving the two of them together.


End file.
